Protestants Slouch

Last night I had an experience.

It all started at archery practice. Mondays I usually have ski gymnastics but this Monday was a Catholic holiday - the birth of Mary - although I never had the thought to attend church. Ski gymnastik was canceled so I went to archery instead. Practice went really well. I'd been suffering from a wave of arrow insanity for the past two weeks (my arrows developed a color phobia and would avoid the yellow and red center) but on Monday, I finally "got my groove back".

As we were packing up to go home, one of the instructors (the one that has my last name as a first), asked me if I liked classical music. Hells yeah! He then said something in German, which I translated as: "big church in town _______ concert _______ Mozart_______7:30pm." At the center of Ried, there is a big Catholic church that's the giant red ruby in the crown of the town, I would say. So I ran home, dropped off the bow, ran to the main square, and grabbed a döner kebab for dinner. Then I went to the church.

I had never been inside the church, although I walk by it nearly everyday. Inside, it was breathtaking: tall ceilings, huge murals, and a giant alter of gold where the priests stash the Eucharist(I think). The ambiance was tainted only by two chandeliers of dangling bits of cut glass. Trust me, it looked like something you'd find in a child's barbie house.

OH. I NEARLY FORGOT. They got me again - the Austrians. Remember the mousetrap bread in restaurants? I had the same experience in this church. As soon as I stepped inside, a delightful old and bent German woman pounced on me - offering a candle. Oh, isn't this nice, I thought, just like home. No sooner am I walking away, feeling touched and warm, then a wizened hand grips the corner of my arm. "Ein Euro, bitte." Crap, well, I can't really hand back the candle, could I? So I dug around in my pocket, feeling a bit like a clumsy thief caught, and handed over one Euro.

What I thought would just be a concert turned into a service with music interspersed. Suddenly, I realized the words I hadn't translated earlier when my archery instructor had spoken to me: musical mass, regular service. Ah, well. It was actually quite fun. Catholic services incorporate a lot of ritual so I had to follow along with the Austrians (who I suspect were following the two pews worth of nuns up front). At first I felt like the lamb, dressed up as a wolf, who had been invited to a costume party only to discover that everyone else wasn't pretending to be a wolf. I had about seven inches of pew for the perching - a flat board jutted from the back, forcing me forward and erect. After an hour of sitting, I theorized that kneeling is necessary relief for the spine - pious yet pleasant. Catholics must have very good posture. Oh, and the church wasn't heated. 150 year old stone church, mid December, Austria. I wasn't the only one who kept the hat and gloves.

The evening was capped by a march with our candles around the square outside. The throng of people was quite large and so a man with speakers broadcasted what the priest was saying to us in the back. Only the sound quality wasn't very good and I began to have a peculiar feeling. Imagine: dark, cold night, candles, throng of people marching, some chanting, crackly sound of German broadcasted loudly. UNSETTLING. I was nearly cracking up inside - ok, I was cracking up inside. How do I find myself in these situations? If I have one thing to say about myself, it's that I have had some interesting experiences.

The grand climax to the evening, that had my jaw ajar in blissful ecstasy, was the performance of a tuba/baritone quartet who serenaded the congregation from the open windows of a third story building. Amazing. If sound had a flavor, I would describe it as melted chocolate. Warm, strong, a real rush to the senses. This is better than anything Hollywood, I thought.

I really enjoyed it. I enjoy the discomfort (the harmless discomfort) of feeling out of place. How else can you learn if you don't DO things? And all I had to do was show up. And pay one euro. And freeze for a little bit. But that's time/money/comfort well spent. That's life.