Pickled Pigs Toes

It's living life the first night after my first day as a TA. I'm sitting here in my room, eating a pale banana, while slowly being driven mad by the tick-tick of my wristwatch. I can't help but think, after reviewing my performance on the teacher's stage, that I remind myself of Buster Keaton, a sadly comic man with a deadpan face. Well, I might have been a little more animated and certainly less silent but I'm still left with the feeling of having pulled myself out beyond clarity for the sake of laughter. I delivered a 10 minute biography to 6 different classes today. I feel like a bit of metal that has only had one corner partially beaten flat. Parts of my life I ignored or glossed over. Heh, it's funny for me to observe my quick-panicking mind scramble for its idea of this life's 'best of' and blurt it out time and time again with little variation. Am I really this dull, I wonder to myself. Or am I my own social experiment?

Anyway, I've never wanted to pick up smoking so much in my life. There's a crowd of student's always chilling outside my building and I watch with envy the ease with which they interact. Even if I didn't smoke, could I just carry around a pack - just in case? It looks like instant camaraderie. Either that or I'm glossing over the specifics.

I have a passing interest in feeling lonely. But only passing. The feeling will surely grow, and grow as I deny it sustenance but that is the way of such things. I've never been one to force relationships - be they friends or (mild hesitation). Well, at least friendship. At the moment, solitude is what I have, whether I want it or not. The doors are open but I'm not crying out loud.

My students are pretty cool people and represent a wide variety of personalities. I teach at a school for students 14-18 who want to become kindergarten teachers (BAKIP). The second school where I work is for 14-18 year old students who want to go to college with no specific training (BORG). All of my students at the BAKIP are girls. The BORG have a more mixed group (appropriate). The boys like to strut. The girls like to giggle. It's interesting and fun - just extremely draining. I had to sell myself 6 times today and I still don't think there were any buyers.

Almost all the teachers have British accents, some of them are quite adorable (both teachers and accents).

A first day audit? I think it went alright but will things continue to go so smoothly? And will the pressing lack of company during the week drive me up the wall? *dum dum daaa* Tune in for more... later. :)